As a men's mental health expert, I've worked with hundreds of men throughout my 22 years in practice. While there are many therapy savvy men who come to see me, the majority of men who walk though my door have never been individual counseling before.

They often contact me as a last resort. Maybe their marriage is on the rocks, addictive behaviors might be spiraling out of control, or they are finally feeling SO BAD they just can't tolerate it anymore.

While this behavior often baffles and frustrates the women who love these men, it can be explained. Even if men are raised in loving families, the culture of masculinity often dictates that boys disconnect from their feelings at an early age. Without the compass provided by a solid connection to their internal world, men often feel lost when it comes to looking inside. This creates shame and shame creates further disconnection from self and others.

There is pressure for men to be self-sufficient, strong and stoic. To seek professional help feels like a failure.

As a result of early emotional disconnect combined with masculine stereotypes, many men don't share as openly about their struggles with each other. They don't get that support and encouragement to give therapy a try as women often do.

If you are a man who has never taken advantage of therapy, you are in good company. If you are ready to make a significant change in your life, consider these ten ways that this investment can make your life better in the short term and in the long run.

1. Reconnect the Emotional Wiring: Why This is Central

You were born wired for connection and deep, complex emotion. This is biology. That perfectly wired connection gets frayed by negative messaging around boys expressing emotions. Those connections can also be severed by trauma as the nervous system reconfigures to protect the self.

The result of all of this? You don't know what you feel (besides anger) and you don't know how to put words to it, even if you did. This can leave men feeling like they are "faking it" or "masking", covering up a lot of shame, confusion and frustration with silence, withdrawl, bravado, or addictions.

Therapy provides a safe place for you to learn how to reconnect your emotional wiring so you can utilize your feelings like a North Star, to guide you toward what you want and what's good for you and away from what is dangerous or destructive.

2. Shake off Depression and Anxiety

Depression and anxiety are present in all of our lives at one time or another. These states can be brought on by a circumstance that eventually resolves and we are then able to get back to feeling more like ourselves again. If you have been living in a more persistent state of anxiety or depressed mood, it's time to get to the bottom of it. Therapy can help you get to the root causes of your mood and provide powerful resources to remedy these miserable states. Even though you may still be functioning, going to work, keeping up with your responsibilities, life can be better on the other side.

3. Be A Better Partner

Learning how to identify and express your feelings will undoubtedly improve your marriage or partnership. Communication is KEY in any relationship but especially with our nearest and dearest who matter the most. Therapy can also help you regulate your nervous system so that you can engage in difficult conversations without feeling as reactive. Calm, clear and direct communication helps your feel more understood and leads to more connection.

Therapy can also help you become a more empathic partner and better listener. We can all use help in that department.

4. Become A Better Parent

Parenting can bring up a lot of strong emotions. Raising children reminds us of our own childhoods, for better or worse. Often we are trying to be a different parent than we had growing up. We don't always know the "right" way to handle all complex emotions that arise in our children or in ourselves. Therapy can help directly. As you understand the impact of your own childhood can can more easily sift out the ways you want to emulate your own caregivers or want to parent differently. As you work through your own emotions, you become more empathic with your children, truly becoming more able to put yourself in their shoes. This is a worthy investment in the lifelong relationship with your children.

5. Put Work In It's Place

Work often becomes a place where emotions can run high as we navigate complicated relationships with our "work family" (otherwise known as Office Politics). We depend on our jobs to provide structure, purpose and financial survival. The stakes can feel very high for anyone but if you have any trauma history, the workplace can feel like a gladiators arena. Therapy can help you to understand the root of your workplace angst, then provide insight and tools to put work in its place. To understand more about how the workplace can feel high stakes and what to do about it, check out my blog post here.

6. Learn to Grieve (Don't you dare scroll past this one!)

 Grief if a very powerful tool. Ok, stay with me. I know no one wants to grieve. It's deeply painful and it's natural to avoid pain. I want to tell you why un-grieved losses can keep you stuck for a lifetime. When we experience loss, we need to be able to express the feelings associated with that loss in order to truly more forward. If you have un-grieved losses, you are not alone. Loss can feel so bottomless, big and scary, it requires a playbook to get though. Often we aren't supplied with one so we are forced to figure it out on our own. Some cultures have playbooks for grief but many do not. Some families know how to grieve but plenty do not. Kids grieve differently from adults and their grief is often overlooked. When you don't have the know-how, the support and connection you need to grieve your losses, that grief becomes lodged inside of you like a stone. The the feelings that had nowhere to go can find other outlets, like addictions, depression, or self-destructive behaviors. Learning to grieve your losses in therapy will release the blockage and help you find a clear path forward with renewed energy.

Remember, grief is a powerful tool. Learn how to use it.

7. Set Better Boundaries

Do you think of yourself as a people pleaser? Are you known as Mr. Nice Guy? You might be fearful of conflict or confrontation and you probably have a good reason why that's the case. If you sacrifice too much of yourself for others and end up feeling resentful, therapy can help by teaching you how to recognize when and why you are extending yourself beyond your limits and how to set safe and self protective boundaries with others. Setting boundaries is like exercising a new set of muscles, it's challenging at first but it gets easier as you get stronger. Setting healthy boundaries helps you have more authentic connections with others and more self respect.

8. Transform Loneliness

Men often report feeling lonely due to a lack of meaning personal connections in their lives. Boys are often discouraged from expressing their feelings openly with one another (which is how trust in close relationships is built). These boys grow up with more superficial friendships than their female counterparts. As boys enter the teen years, then learn to only rely on a female partner for emotional connection. Men often rely solely on their wife or girlfriend for all emotional needs. Even if you female partner is willing and able to play this role for you, it's not enough. Men need meaningful friendships where they can be themselves, get and provide support. Therapy can help you develop the tools and skills to create more satisfying friendships and build a real community to be a part of.

9. Rediscover Key Parts of Yourself

Do you ever think back on your younger years and wonder, "Where did that guy go?" Where is that fearless kid racing down the street on his BMX bike or climbing the tallest tree in the neighborhood? Where is that cool creative kid or that boy with big dreams? Somewhere along the road of life, he got lost. Maybe there was an event (your parents divorce or a death in the family) or maybe you just got the message that what you thought was cool, wasn't. However it happened, that kid got lost along the way and your life hasn't been the same since. Therapy can help you figure out who he was, how and where he got lost and in doing so, help you find him again. He needs you and you need him.

10. Create A More Meaningful Life

Are you someone who has "everything" but life still feels empty in some way? Even if you have all the things: the career, the family, the house, the paycheck and bonus, you may still feel like your life has very little true purpose. This can be confusing because we are taught that if we follow the path set before us, we will succeed in living the dream. Sometimes we get lucky and the path we follow does provide us with meaning and purpose. The problem is that life changes over time, kids grow up, retirement looms, marriages dissolve. We can be left feeling adrift and without any real anchor. Therapy is a worthy investment at this point in life. Therapy can help you grieve your losses (see above!) and find new meaning in and purpose for a new chapter of life.

Therapy can be truly life changing. If you are seeing ways in which your life isn't working the way you wish it were, it might be a good time to find a trusted therapist to guide you to a new destination.