Why Men Feel Like They Are Barely Surviving the Workplace and How to Change That
- Stephanie P. Morgan, MFT
- Mar 15
- 6 min read
Updated: Apr 7
Work can be a challenging place for many men for a variety of reasons. The pressure to survive financially in an increasingly unaffordable world, the responsibility of providing for a family and their future, a corporate work culture that often values the bottom line at the expense of workers' humanity, long work hours and few vacation days, endless meetings, and office politics—did I miss anything? Any one of these factors is enough to create significant stress and pressure, and the combination can feel overwhelming at times.
To manage the day-to-day at work is already a challenge for many men, but there is a hidden element that can make the workplace feel more like a war zone than a professional environment. This is the way that past trauma influences how we react to stress and pressure.
Most men have no idea that their nervous system wiring is actually running the show at work.
Stay with me. You might be thinking, "This doesn't apply to me; I don't have a trauma history. No one beat me as a child." However, there are many other ways that a young child can experience overwhelm, powerlessness, deep shame, or terror. These circumstances can significantly impact our nervous system "set up," affecting adult responses to stress.
Understanding Trauma Responses and Their Importance at Work
Trauma responses are automatic reactions triggered by real or perceived threats to our well-being. They originate from the nervous system’s attempt to protect the body from harm. When we experience traumatic events or ongoing stressful situations—especially from childhood—our nervous systems react in a protective way to help us cope. This isn't a "choice"; it's built into our biology to help us survive. However, when these responses show up at work, they can affect performance, relationships, and overall well-being. Recognizing these responses and learning how to shift them can help men find more ease and confidence in their professional lives.
The four trauma responses are:
Fight: The body prepares for conflict by releasing adrenaline. The heart rate increases to pump blood to the extremities, ready to fight off danger. This response allows us to fight back when under attack. You may see "challengers" or threats around every corner.
Flight: The body prepares to run, to stay in motion and escape danger. Blood pressure rises, and the heart rate increases. You may feel muscles tense and notice shallow or rapid breathing. The ability to outrun physical danger can often translate into "outrunning" perceived threats mentally. Catastrophic thinkers...I see you.
Freeze: The heart rate slows, and respiration rate also decreases. Sometimes, you might hold your breath. Limbs can feel heavy, and there can be a feeling of being stuck or mentally foggy. The freeze response is employed when there is no escape, no winning this battle—like a possum playing dead until danger has passed.
Fawn: Feeling on "hyper alert mode," anxious, with a pit in your stomach, and constant worry. You are preoccupied with what others think. It feels safest if everyone likes you. This response is often rooted in childhood, where the body attempts to secure safety by pleasing others. There is often a constant fear of "getting in trouble." This involves becoming overly agreeable, submissive, or ignoring one's own needs to avoid conflict.
Our nervous systems can employ any of these strategies at any time, but you may recognize yourself in one or two of these descriptions.
How Trauma Responses Affect Functioning at Work
Each trauma response impacts work life differently:
Fight Response
Men with a fight response may:
React quickly to criticism or feedback with anger or frustration.
Be contrarian or play devil's advocate in a way that others find challenging.
Struggle with authority.
Create tension in team settings.
Experience high stress and burnout.
This response can sometimes be mistaken for confidence or assertiveness, but it often masks underlying fear or vulnerability.
Flight Response
Flight shows up as:
Workaholism or overworking and over-functioning for your team.
Chronic over-scheduling.
Difficulty with work/life balance.
Hyper-focus on "productivity" at all costs.
Flight mode can lead to burnout, frequent job changes, and strained family relationships.
Freeze Response
A freeze response to stress can look like this:
Indecision or procrastination.
Feeling overwhelmed by workload.
Difficulty prioritizing or problem-solving.
Low energy and motivation.
Not pulling your weight on a team.
This response can read as "lazy" (you aren't!) or underperforming. It can stall career progress and increase anxiety as you receive negative reviews and fall behind on tasks.
Fawn Response
Fawning involves:
Saying yes to everything, even when overwhelmed.
Avoiding conflict at all costs.
Suppressing personal needs or opinions.
Difficulty setting boundaries and feeling preoccupied with being liked or valued.
Constant anticipation of what the other person might think, feel, want, or need from you.
While it may keep peace temporarily, fawning often leads to resentment and chronic exhaustion.
If you recognize yourself in any of these descriptions, remember, these are responses to stress that were set up a long time ago. They aren't a "choice" or a weakness of character. They helped you survive as a child, but they now limit you in your adult life.
Understanding these patterns is crucial because they influence how you handle stress, communicate, and perform. When trauma responses dominate, they can limit growth, cause burnout, and strain relationships with colleagues.
Why Employers May Not Recognize Trauma Responses in Men
Men often face unique social expectations around strength, control, and emotional expression. These cultural pressures can make it harder to recognize or address trauma responses. For example:
Fight may be encouraged as a sign of toughness, confidence, or swagger.
Flight is often seen as someone who "works hard" and can be praised or rewarded.
Freeze might be seen as weakness, underperformance, or laziness.
Fawn behaviors can be seen as a lack of assertiveness or leadership.
These dynamics can cause men to suppress emotions or avoid seeking help, which reinforces trauma patterns.
Practical Strategies to Change Trauma Responses and Find Ease at Work
Changing trauma responses involves rewiring the nervous system and building new habits. Here are some practical steps men can take:
1. Increase Awareness
Start by noticing your reactions in stressful moments. Ask yourself:
Am I feeling angry, scared, stuck, or a desire to be people-pleasing?
What thoughts or sensations accompany these feelings?
Journaling or talking with a trusted person can help identify patterns.
2. Separate From the Trauma Response Part
When you notice anger, fear, worry, or the desire to people-please, say to yourself, "I notice that young part of me right now, but there's also an adult part of me here too."
Be curious about these feelings. Ask yourself, "I wonder why this part of me is so afraid right now?" or "I'm curious to know what this part is so angry about?"
Reassure the young part of you that no matter what it's afraid of or worried about, the adult you is here to take care of things.
3. Practice Grounding Techniques
Grounding helps calm the nervous system and bring focus back to the present. Try:
Telling yourself, "I am safe right now" (your nervous system needs to hear this even if you "know it" logically).
Deep, slow breathing.
Feeling your feet firmly on the ground.
Going for a walk on your lunch break in a peaceful place.
Sitting in your office or car with some relaxing music or a meditation app for 15 minutes.
Calling someone who cares about you, just to hear their voice.
Writing in a journal or on a piece of paper you can shred afterward.
Hitting the gym or getting some exercise on your lunch break.
These techniques can help the nervous system regulate back to baseline.
4. Set Boundaries
Learn to say no or ask for what you need without guilt. This is especially important for those with a fawn response. Clear boundaries protect your time and energy. Setting boundaries earns respect, even if some people might be disappointed in the moment. Start small.
5. Build Emotional Vocabulary
Name your emotions instead of reacting automatically. See if you can "peel back the layer of the onion." If you are angry, ask yourself what might be underneath the anger. Often, anger is a protector of another more vulnerable feeling like fear, sadness, shame, or disappointment.
6. Seek Support
Talking with a therapist or counselor trained in trauma can provide tools and guidance. Peer support groups or mentors can also offer understanding and encouragement.
7. Develop Self-Compassion
Treat yourself kindly when trauma responses arise. Remember, these reactions are survival tools, not personal failures or character flaws. Self-compassion reduces shame and opens the door to change. Being hard on yourself exacerbates the problem.
Creating a Supportive Work Environment for Men Managing Trauma Responses
Employers and colleagues can play a role in supporting men with trauma responses by:
Beginning to see problematic employee behavior through a trauma lens.
Using work check-ins as a time to discuss employee stressors.
Making room for open conversations about stress and mental health.
Offering flexible work options and breaks.
Providing access to counseling or coaching.
Avoiding judgment or stereotypes about masculinity.
Such environments help men feel safe to express themselves and grow.
If after reading this, you see more clearly that your nervous system has hijacked your work life, you are not alone. This is something that can be changed over time with professional help. Work doesn't have to feel like a high-stakes, life-or-death emotional gladiator arena. You can get to a place where you experience work as...just work. Clock in, clock out, and live your life.
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